Good Morning Poo!

Two weeks ago, my 6 year old and I went to his "one day school" for parents and entering first graders. He went off to learn about school life from the 5th graders, while I was lucky enough to sit in a room of moms and listen to all the things we need to do before April 9th.

The principal greeted us and told us the most important thing to embrace before our kids start school is, "Complete Sleep, Complete Food, Complete Bowel Movement." Yes, once again the Japanese obsession with poo is evident.

I smiled my little WTF smile to myself and listened to a different teacher drone on about common sense things like not letting your child ride his bicycle by himself in 1st grade. It's okay for 3rd graders, just not 1st graders.

I listened as the health teacher told us of all the bags we will need for our child. A bag for info from the school, a bag for his lunch mat and toothbrush, a bag to hold those bags, a bag to hold PE clothes, a bag to hold library books, a bag to put his drinking cup in, a bag for his indoor shoes. Did I mention that most of these are handmade to a specific size? Grrrrrrr....

And then, the health teacher said to get our children accustomed to a "good morning poo." All I could think of was the children's book Goodnight Moon. I'm guessing that I need to write the sequel, Good Morning Poo.

That will be my next blog.

I am worthy now.

I follow the blog Ordinary Courage and this week Brene is blogging about worthiness.

She says, "Worthy NOW! Not when. Not if. We are worthy of love and belonging NOW. Right this minute. As is."

I am worthy, now. I do not need to wait until my house is clutter free. I do not need to wait until my screenplay gets bought.

And actually, I am worthy, now. I've come a long way in accepting myself in the last two years. I am becoming an anti-perfectionist. I've accepted that I can do things imperfectly, incompletely, and insanely and that's okay.

Would I like to write more often? Yes, but I accept that I am writing the amount that I want to write at this point in my life.

Would I like to have a picked up house and no Legos underneath my feet? Yes, but I accept that I'm working on it and I am making progress. I am no less worthy because there is a cabbage rotting in my vegetable drawer. (Though it might be a good idea to dispose of that before it liquefies.)

I will end this imperfect blog here and go to bed, since tomorrow is field trip day and that means bentos made at the crack of dawn.

Setsubun, again.

Setsubun was a total bust last year, but this year it's gotten off to a good start. Both boys are healthy and in school today. They are busy chasing teachers dressed like "oni" (ogres) and throwing beans at them.

I ran to the Max Valu supermarket at lunch and picked up 3 maki sushi rolls. Dinner is taken care of, and all I need to do now is pick up around the house so that the bean throwing won't turn into an obstacle course. DS1 has been excited about this for days. He keeps changing who gets to be the oni and who gets to pelt the oni. Last I heard, younger brother was going to be the oni. Gee, surprise, surprise.

As far as mid-winter festivals go, it's as good as any. And while I might be nostalgic for the fat rodent with shadow phobias, at least this festival allows kids to do what they really want to do: throw things.

Ogres out. Happiness in.

On writing and other random thoughts.

I'm still embracing my word of the year, white space. And with the exception of procrastinating on an editing/translation job, I'm doing a pretty good job.

I've created white space in my blog for 2 days now. I've created white space in my body by exercising every day and logging it. I've created white space around my desk by sorting papers and giving myself a stamp on the calendar every time I do it.

Spiritually, I feel a little white space opening up in my soul. I want to trash the guilt and the insecurities and just create for creation purposes. I want every day to be my January 1st.

I'm also embracing my fear of failure, or rather, my need for success. I'm not writing for the Oscar or the Pulitzer, I'm writing for the white space. And as long as I don't trick myself into thinking that this will magically make any of those things metamorphosize, then I'll be okay.

I have a gift. Wow, that sentence was really painful to write. I am creatively gifted. And even if my gift is only seen by one person, that is enough.

I am my own white space. I am my own blank canvas. I am nothing and everything at once. And if I sit still long enough, I will realize this.

So I will write haikus, and children's stories, and limericks and screenplays and novels and blog entries and I will honor my words by typing them up and putting them out there.

And maybe all this white space will lead to my dream job at Pixar, working with the folks who put story into words and pictures. Who push the white space until there is something for everyone to see and relate to.

Amen.

Daycare Pick-up Haiku

In an effort to honor my word of the year, I'm trying to create more. And I'm also going to throw away some of those creations, just because I can. So here is my imperfect haiku, composed on the way to pick up my boys from daycare yesterday.

rain drops on car glass
dirty streaks streaming downward
no pink elephant

For those of you not familiar with Seattle, the Pink Elephant is a car wash and its neon sign is a landmark.

As a side note, DS1 won one of the top prizes in the all prefectural art competition for his age group. His drawing of an elephant (!) will be on display at the Yamaguchi Prefectural Art Museum from January 26 to the 31st.

White Space

I follow several blogs and instead of resolutions, they suggest a "word of the year." I had a hard time with this. At first, my word was "less." Less stuff, less drama, fewer regrets. But "less" seemed so negative to me. So I brainstormed through lots of words: simplify, act, do, create, focus. I finally came up with "challenge."

But, a week later, and it still wasn't singing to me. I did the worksheet that was sent to me from christinekane.com (Yet another link I had followed.) So today, I sat down, indulged myself and finally came up with White Space. Yes, I realize that that is two words, but I'm okay with that.

White space is what I need in my inner and outer lives. In my inner life, I need a clean canvas to figure out where I'm going to create and to start creating. In my outer life, there is so much visual and audio clutter going on that I can't focus. I remember taking an art class once and the teacher explaining how artists leave white space so that the viewer's eyes have some place to rest. It's the same feeling when reading a novel. The paragraph ends and the white space reassures me that I can keep going to the next paragraph or chapter.

So I'm announcing to world (and the few people who read my blog) that I will white space myself through this year and make the changes I want to make. And that means I will be blogging more to show my progress.

Sudden Death

We took the boys to another over-sized playground on Sunday to burn off some of their energy. As usual, the husband took photos and I kept tabs on one boy and then the other.

And I was watching DS2 climb up the jungle gym, my husband's cellphone rang. It was a friend telling him that a mutual childhood friend had just died from a heart attack. He was 44, had high cholesterol, and was playing softball when it happened.

My husband was stunned but didn't have time to analyze that piece of information before DS2, who is in the throes of potty training, had a giant poo accident. As is always the case in life, you have to clean up the mess closest to you before you can deal with the mess made by a sudden death.

So last night, my husband got home from work, changed into a suit, went to the wake. His mom made sure that he had the correct gift envelope in which to put the 500o yen for the funeral offering. His dad told him to make sure to leave it on the altar at the temple and to NOT hand it directly to his friend's widow. I told him to kiss his kids good-night because I figured he would not be home any time soon.

I was thankful that his friend had married his high school sweetheart, had had their kids early and had had a grandchild at his age. His life was in some ways the complete opposite of my husband's. And I felt sorry for his adult kids who are in their early twenties. It sucks to lose a parent, even when you are an adult yourself. But I felt sorriest for his wife, whom I met once 17 years ago when I was newly married. I remembered her husband as a big bull of a man, but she was invisible to me and I don't remember her at all. This is no way to come out of someone's shadow.