Inspiration vs. self-criticism

My youngest son received a mid-Summer postcard in the mail today from the playgroup that I take him to. The grandmas who run the group did a watercolor rendering of Anpanman and wrote a note in beautiful calligraphy. I'm always so impressed by the effort that people put into making things in Japan. I tend to slap things together and the effect is not always what I want to achieve.

Which leads me to my title, inspiration vs. self-criticism. I've had a lot of time to think this week. Both boys are back in preschool and I don't start teaching again until next week. I've launched myself into full self-loathing mode. Why can't I motivate myself to blah, blah, blah... The blank in that sentence alternates every 10 or 20 minutes. Keep a clean house, plan better meals, be a better parent, find a decent paying job, go to bed earlier, learn more Japanese, stop being so negative...

I'm inspired by people who have the self-discipline to create. I try to blog, but even that tends to get sucked into other non-creative activities. I read three beach novels this week. Every Japanese woman I told this to gave me permission to goof off. Funny how I can't seem to give myself permission to do that. I read them, but I felt like crap for ignoring the piles of clutter on my desk and the dishes in my sink.

I have to volunteer at my sons' summer festival tomorrow. I have a stack of papers telling me what I need to do. They remain mostly unread. I will decipher them later. Oh, did I mention it's DS1s birthday today? The only reason I can procrastinate on that is because Daddy has a working dinner tonight, so we postponed cake until Sunday.

So I've set the timer and done a few things, but honestly, I'm so uninspired. But since self-criticism isn't working, I need to find a better way of doing things. And yes, I know about Flylady.