Sudden Death

We took the boys to another over-sized playground on Sunday to burn off some of their energy. As usual, the husband took photos and I kept tabs on one boy and then the other.

And I was watching DS2 climb up the jungle gym, my husband's cellphone rang. It was a friend telling him that a mutual childhood friend had just died from a heart attack. He was 44, had high cholesterol, and was playing softball when it happened.

My husband was stunned but didn't have time to analyze that piece of information before DS2, who is in the throes of potty training, had a giant poo accident. As is always the case in life, you have to clean up the mess closest to you before you can deal with the mess made by a sudden death.

So last night, my husband got home from work, changed into a suit, went to the wake. His mom made sure that he had the correct gift envelope in which to put the 500o yen for the funeral offering. His dad told him to make sure to leave it on the altar at the temple and to NOT hand it directly to his friend's widow. I told him to kiss his kids good-night because I figured he would not be home any time soon.

I was thankful that his friend had married his high school sweetheart, had had their kids early and had had a grandchild at his age. His life was in some ways the complete opposite of my husband's. And I felt sorry for his adult kids who are in their early twenties. It sucks to lose a parent, even when you are an adult yourself. But I felt sorriest for his wife, whom I met once 17 years ago when I was newly married. I remembered her husband as a big bull of a man, but she was invisible to me and I don't remember her at all. This is no way to come out of someone's shadow.