Zero to Angry in 10 seconds.

This is one of those self-flagellation blog entries. The husband is off to America to look for work. He is eating pizza, shopping at the Apple store and Nordstrom Rack, and going out to lunch with former co-workers. I am happy for, and envious of, him.

Today was the start of a 3 day weekend. I had visions of baking cookies, going to a festival, and doing some beach-combing. Instead, my boys and I went to the video store, the grocery store and Mister Donuts. Sometimes I really dislike being a mom to boys. I tried to get them interested in making cookies, but instead they decided to beat each other up with plastic bats.

I made a conscious effort to let them have some sensory fun. I have an old container of stale coffee beans that I was going to throw out. I let them play with it on the dining room floor, with the only rules being that they contain the beans to the dining room and help clean up the mess afterward. Forty minutes later, I'm yelling at them because they are crushing beans into a fine powder, taking "showers" with the beans and getting them under the couch, in the tatami room, and under the floorcloth in the dining room. Much nagging later, the beans were picked up and the room vacuumed, but I felt like a failure in the "spontaneous fun" mothering contest.

As the day progressed, more whining and fighting ensued. My 4yo is going through some phase where everything ends in tears. We only watched one video, "Wahhhh!" Big brother touched his balloon, "Wahhhhhhhhh." I didn't get milk with dinner, "Wahhhhhhh!" I'm seriously tempted to wear headphones to drown out the constant noise of his disappointment.

By the time the boys went to bed, I had already threatened, yelled, ranted, steamed and pouted at both of them, multiple times. Not an effective style of parenting. I know the stress of my own life is manifesting itself this way, but I can't seem to stop. Hence, zero to angry in 10 seconds.

Now I'm going to watch a mindless movie and ignore the dishes in my sink.